Here’s the thing…we aren’t supposed to hurt out loud or in the open. We live in a world where polished perfection is in high demand- hide your hurts in the folds of your dress and perfectly curled hair. Don’t make a mess with your mistakes, don’t let anyone see if you struggle. Hide it. Fake it. Push it down and power through.

But…

That’s not biblical. You see, the people who were the big players? They lived out loud. They worshipped in the open, prayed in the open and celebrated in the open. And they also grieved in the open, wept in the open, mourned in the open and broke in the open.

So why is it we find ourselves in this world of fakery and foolishness that raises us and trains us to smile and keep silent? Yes, we are taught to be cheerful under trials, we are told to endure hardships as good soldiers and I wholeheartedly believe in being strong. I am the poster child for taking a hit and moving forward.

But…

I also read where David covered himself in ashes. I watched as Esther was scared to death and fasted for three days. I saw a piece where Abraham cried for mercy over an evil city. My savior, Jesus, wept over the death of a friend- knowing full well He could make it better, and would.

The Bible says to rejoice AND mourn with those who do. It says there’s a time to build up AND break down. It declares there is a time to live AND to die. Life is full of opposing forces and we have been given to experience all of them.

David in the psalms is atop the highest mountain in one verse, giving the highest praise and exalting the Lord; and in the next verse he is the definition of clinical depression and is questioning why the Lord has left him.

But…

That did not discount his faith, or make him a bad servant. He was still described by God as a man after God’s own heart! He is still to this day regarded as an incredible leader and worshipper. He made some terrible mistakes and sinned like everyone else. He fought and bled and loved and worshipped and hurt out loud and authentically.

Why can’t we? Why do we shy away from the deep? Why are we so afraid to venture further than ankle deep water when it comes to honesty? Why do we settle for “how are you? fine and you? fine. great. bye.” And we look each other dead in the face, we see the hurt and we ignore it.

Because, we know there’s no point in being honest…why? Why not just fake it and pretend we have it all together? That’s what everyone else does. Why shouldn’t we do it, too?

Because…

It’s killing us.

It kills us physically to hold in a hurt and stay silent and suck it up alone. It kills us mentally to lie to the world and everyone around us but we do it out of not having any other options. It kills us spiritually to feel so isolated and alone and completely CRAZY because we lay awake and wonder, am I really the only one?! Is everyone else seriously okay except for me?!

But…

You’re not crazy. You’re smart. You’re aware of what’s happening. You see it all and you take it in because you sit on the outside. You recognize what is real when you find it. Authenticity will always see authenticity, and fakery.

Can we please stop being fake? Can it just be okay to hurt, and NOT hide it? Can we drop the act and the perfect poses? Can we start being honest in our own lives and call some things out that are growing in the shadows and feeding on our silence?

Because suffering in silence helps no one, except the pain itself. Suffering is not a testimony. Suffering is not stoic. Being silent will never show anyone it isn’t just them. Shutting up will make everyone around you, everyone who watches you, everyone who sees you live…believe that’s how it’s done.

We aren’t supposed to hurt out loud or in the open. But we absolutely have to start. We cannot live in silence and expect people to stop dying there. If we want to truly stop the stigma of silence around hurting, then we have to stop being silent about our own.

– KB